She's going the distance....

Okay, so I may not be built for speed, however I think I have had an epiphany as to why my body is determined to remain with... ah, um, plentiful coverage. It's to do with global warming.

What?! You may be reeling with the revelation, but let me fill you in. My body is like a prophet in its own right. My body sensed the impending global warming that is now taking over the world and has been busily packaging itself in order to cope with depleting resources. That's right.

I am contained in an efficient machine that in days to come will keep me nourished while lesser mortals perish due to their lack of self-contained sustenance. So yeah, keep laughing you bikini clad girls, catwalk women and those of you who can still fit into Myer's Miss Shop apparel. In the words of Gloria Gaynor, or more recently Cake, "I will survive".

The only downside to my top-notch, NASA wish they thought of it earlier, physique is that my poorly maintained 'Fo and our offspring who are less well-endowed than I with their laughable "athletic" builds will not go the distance with me. Sigh.