Thursday, April 1, 2010

Shut the Fuck UP!!!!!!

Seriously man, how much conversation can one person make over a shitty piece of info? I'm gonna come off as number one arsehole mum here, but fuck can my daughter talk!
I love her dearly. Just wish maybe I hadn't raised her with as much fucking opinion as she has. On anything. And I mean anything.
Talk about the weather and she's there with a fricken synopsis on latest weather trends, future forecasts, last noted occurences and the night sky is red so it's gonna be a nice day tomorrow type of bollocks. And she's only 9. What the hell am I gonna do when she's older and has an ounce more education in her. Sheesh.
I'm not much of a talker in real time. More of the sit and observe type of a person, better not to say anything and have folk think I am a dipshit, rather than open my mouth and prove it, type of gal. Unless of course I'm talking to the voices in my head, but they get really shitty if I don't talk back and start ranting at me to start a fire or pull wings off a fly, or run naked down the street screaming "I'm a superior being from outer space and I do not come in peace mother fuckers", or.. you get the idea.
So the constant chit chat from the young ones is a bit much to deal with at times. My head voices get a bit antsy and upset at the challenge of authority too.
Anyway, so today was April Fools. And me and the 'Fo thought it would be hilarious to tell our kid that her fish died while she was at school. We laughed and laughed. Once she checked, she laughed and laughed too. Okay, maybe she shot us a smouldering look and did that fake laugh that you do when you want to be polite when someone is actually really pissing you off.
But me and the 'Fo laughed anyway, and they say laughter keeps you young.
I told this story to a friend who said we could well be paying for her therapy later in life and it wasn't really a very cool thing to do. And then went on to say that at least we weren't as bad as her other friend, who very nearly had to call in her 11 year old son when her boyfriend's tongue stud got stuck in her clit ring. Now, I dunno about you, but I'm thinking we are in a very different category to that little diddy. I always keep a pair of needlenose pliers and wire cutters on hand for just such an emergency. Should have been a girl scout.


  1. I think you can get insurance to cover your daughter's shrink bills!

  2. Just as well really, 'cos she's our eldest one, better known as the experimental one. Oh, the tales she will have. Like when daddy took the body off her Barbie car and used it for his radio control car and then crashed it down the storm water drain, hahaha.

  3. This as absolutely f*cking hilarious!!!!!! Love how outspoken you are. Such a rare thing to find!!!! Fabulous stuff.