Shit, where are the kids???????

Ha ha ha. We do like to laugh in our house. So when the 'Fo was looking for the kids during the hide and seek tournament tonight, I laughed and laughed when he couldn't find two of them. For over an hour. He was all like "Shit Shell, seriously. I can't fucken find them. They're gone. I don't know where the fuck they are, they could be anywhere. What the fuck is going on??? Someone might have taken them, or they've gone down the street or something, FUCKEN HELP ME. I CAN'T FIND THE KIDS!!!!!!!"

I obviously played all cool and shit, like "Come on Dad, you'll get there, they can't be far".

He's thinking I'm just in a bourbon cool type situation and starts freaking out even more.

"Shit, I can't find the kids".

Me, totally laid back, watching Biggest Loser on TV and knowing I could kick all their arses so hard if I could be arsed to get off the couch, and obviously knowing all the kids hiding places, and yes, some of them are pretty awesome, "You'll be right love. They won't be too far away, surely. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming".

In case you don't have kids, or have a life then you won't know that that is a catchy arse point of the "Finding Nemo" film. Great happy ending, lovely message, none of that Disney fucken singing crap.

The poor 'Fo was just short of breaking point and dialing Emergency when I noticed the time was 8.29pm. One minute short of bed time for the kiddies. School holidays or no, my kids go to bed at time, regardless of whether I am busy screwing with Daddy's brain or not. So, the gig was up.

"Bed time kids. You win, Dad sucks arse at hide and seek, he loses BIG time. Come out, come out where ever you are".

Bing, bing. There they were, all too innocent. Not knowing at all the so close heart palpitations they had given their dad, the immense laughs they had given their mum. All too willing to show Dad their super awesome hiding spots.

"NOOOOO!!!! You can use them next time Mummy needs a break".

And all was well.